Saturday, 14 December 2013

Motivation. What if I had lost it.

Because life is never easy. Because I felt like giving up. Because this is not my forte. Because I m just tired. Because nothing is motivating me to move on.

Was just casually, or not casually saying, I feel like quitting the course. YES INSANE RIGHT. Last 4 weeks till graduation and I want to quit. WOW OH WOW. Because, I feel so unmotivated to go on ok. I don't know what am I even doing. I only know for these 3 years, I want to get my diploma and start work > save money > sell online > establish DPR.
Yes, it may sound ridiculous, why would I want to just sell online as a living. NO, I want to work part time + run my own business.

To be honest, when people ask me, including my supervisor at work, my boyfriend's parents, what would you want to work as in future? Planning to study university? Or any job in mind already? As a designer? As a visual merchandiser?
And to be even truthful to myself, I know thats impossible, so I would always answer with, I am still figuring it out, definitely not university and perhaps in the design industry.

Can you even imagine, after I get my diploma, what I am targeting is just to work part time. PART TIME. YES. I didn't want to commit full time is because, I don't want to give up on DPR just like this. I love my online shop too much that I want to see it grow. 
Of course there are sucky times where money don't come enough but its because I don't have a part time job currently due to studying. If I can work part time every day, 6 days a week, 10hrs per day, $6+/hr + my online shop earnings + design services earnings, it might be tough, but it might not be impossible. As in, if its something I really want, I can press on. 

People might point finger at me saying why this girl is so stupid, should find a good job, should work full time for more promotion chances etc etc. Not looking down on myself or what but, If I were to work, I would forever be working as a WORKER. Worker as in, never promoted to a leader. it's impossible because I am unable to guide people. I cannot think of good ideas or instructions to pass down. Instead, I can only LISTEN to what is ordered for me to do. So I do accordingly. So what's the point. I rather do something that I have passion in. That I really want. 

I don't want to die in the future regretting on things I had wanted to do but had never done. 


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